Show me the money.
Man, these cheesy titles never get old.
Anyway, they serve a purpose and are always accurate; I just got $80 transfered to my account, and now I can buy frivolous stuff! Maybe a game or two, or some headphones, or some sweet cosplay stuff, hell maybe a new hat.
I don't know, having $80 worth to toy around with, well it could bring a man to tears. Especially one that loves money, and loves spending it.
n.n
Oh yeah, how could I not rememebr this (<--- has memory failure)?! I have (for like, the sixth time, so don't get your hopes up) decided what I want to do when I graduate, even though it's about two years from now. Which makes me think, am I being too ready? Is it bad to want to graduate? And with my grades as they are now, is it unrealistic to be even making, no less phantasizing, plans about the future? I dunno the answer to any of those questions! Anyway, where was I? OH YEAH, plans for the future. I think I am going to end up taking two years of college (VCU) double majoring in art and Japanese. Then I'm going to get into the JET program. I know, I know, weeaboo this, and weeaboo that, but am I wrong to take up an oppurtunity so great? If you look at it, it really is "an oppurtunity I can't refuse." You get a two-year college degree (anywhere, mind you), you enter yourself in, hopefully they accept you, they fly you over (free or not, I forget), you get a payed apartment, and teach a bunch of snot-nosed little Japanese middle-schoolers English! You don't even have to know Japanese, that's just a suggestion (of course I want to so I can understand all the bad-mouthing they'd be doing).
This of course is pretty different than my previous plans, despite them being abstact. I basically wanted to be an artist, and go to college just for that. But you see, this is where the hero of our story gets himself into some mess! I have noticed that, well, I think I'd rather have art as a hobby than a full-time thing. I don't know why I just said that, I literally just came to that conclusion about myself. I've just looked at so-called "artists" today, and I don't see myslef as that. Don't get me wrong, I love drawing. But, I just don't think I am able. I've looked at myself, outside of my shoes (for once) and have noticed that I am at an extreme amature level. On top of that, I have looked at myself in my art class at school. Sure, I'm probably the best in there (no, I'm not being cocky), but I still can't keep up. I am lazy, and I half-ass things because I have no motivation. Even if I have potential, will that attitude carry me on as a proffessional artist in the future? How will my boss take it when I half-ass some piece because I'm too lazy to get off my ass and do work. No matter how much passion I have for "art" I am still a lazy fuck. Woe is fucking me. But then that brings me to the thought of writers. They are lazy fucks, so are writers and I the same? Do they treat artists the same way? And even if you took away all that laziness, made me into a diamond (without increasing skill of course) I still wouldn't be that good of an artist. My drawings are kiddie qork compared to big-time manga artists. They could whip up a page in a few minutes, and it would look amazing (it's true, I've seen it!).
As you can see, I am very thoughtful tonight. I want to be an artist, but I am doubting myself. I want a future, but I don't think there will be one handed to me, and I don't think I can mold my own. I am, for once in my life, getting that "What the hell am I going to do?" feelings. Sure, drawing is fun, but maybe it's too hard for me. Maybe teaching a bunch of Japanese kids English is the rout I should take, and make drawing sit in the back? Or maybe I should suck it up and make myself better with training and discipline.
Well, I am sure about one thing... I'm not going to get a wink of sleep tonight.
And I apologize about the typos, I typed this as I thought.
Anyway, they serve a purpose and are always accurate; I just got $80 transfered to my account, and now I can buy frivolous stuff! Maybe a game or two, or some headphones, or some sweet cosplay stuff, hell maybe a new hat.
I don't know, having $80 worth to toy around with, well it could bring a man to tears. Especially one that loves money, and loves spending it.
n.n
Oh yeah, how could I not rememebr this (<--- has memory failure)?! I have (for like, the sixth time, so don't get your hopes up) decided what I want to do when I graduate, even though it's about two years from now. Which makes me think, am I being too ready? Is it bad to want to graduate? And with my grades as they are now, is it unrealistic to be even making, no less phantasizing, plans about the future? I dunno the answer to any of those questions! Anyway, where was I? OH YEAH, plans for the future. I think I am going to end up taking two years of college (VCU) double majoring in art and Japanese. Then I'm going to get into the JET program. I know, I know, weeaboo this, and weeaboo that, but am I wrong to take up an oppurtunity so great? If you look at it, it really is "an oppurtunity I can't refuse." You get a two-year college degree (anywhere, mind you), you enter yourself in, hopefully they accept you, they fly you over (free or not, I forget), you get a payed apartment, and teach a bunch of snot-nosed little Japanese middle-schoolers English! You don't even have to know Japanese, that's just a suggestion (of course I want to so I can understand all the bad-mouthing they'd be doing).
This of course is pretty different than my previous plans, despite them being abstact. I basically wanted to be an artist, and go to college just for that. But you see, this is where the hero of our story gets himself into some mess! I have noticed that, well, I think I'd rather have art as a hobby than a full-time thing. I don't know why I just said that, I literally just came to that conclusion about myself. I've just looked at so-called "artists" today, and I don't see myslef as that. Don't get me wrong, I love drawing. But, I just don't think I am able. I've looked at myself, outside of my shoes (for once) and have noticed that I am at an extreme amature level. On top of that, I have looked at myself in my art class at school. Sure, I'm probably the best in there (no, I'm not being cocky), but I still can't keep up. I am lazy, and I half-ass things because I have no motivation. Even if I have potential, will that attitude carry me on as a proffessional artist in the future? How will my boss take it when I half-ass some piece because I'm too lazy to get off my ass and do work. No matter how much passion I have for "art" I am still a lazy fuck. Woe is fucking me. But then that brings me to the thought of writers. They are lazy fucks, so are writers and I the same? Do they treat artists the same way? And even if you took away all that laziness, made me into a diamond (without increasing skill of course) I still wouldn't be that good of an artist. My drawings are kiddie qork compared to big-time manga artists. They could whip up a page in a few minutes, and it would look amazing (it's true, I've seen it!).
As you can see, I am very thoughtful tonight. I want to be an artist, but I am doubting myself. I want a future, but I don't think there will be one handed to me, and I don't think I can mold my own. I am, for once in my life, getting that "What the hell am I going to do?" feelings. Sure, drawing is fun, but maybe it's too hard for me. Maybe teaching a bunch of Japanese kids English is the rout I should take, and make drawing sit in the back? Or maybe I should suck it up and make myself better with training and discipline.
Well, I am sure about one thing... I'm not going to get a wink of sleep tonight.
And I apologize about the typos, I typed this as I thought.
posted by Noa at 9:53 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home